Just when I thought everything was going well and I've started my day on a bright note, suddenly, something I could scarcely imagine happened. I never saw it coming for it never crossed my mind at all so upon hearing it, I can't help but vacillate, but soon enough I was able to digest the unexpected news.
It was two weeks ago, on a Friday afternoon when I got the chance to speak with my girlfriend. Grasping that loose opportunity, we had a brief chat. After giving each other our usual Hi's and Hello's, I asked her how is she for it has been a long time since I last heard anything from her, "I'm fine." came her retort. Then she slowly break the news to me by saying she has a problem, and of course I asked what and even exclaimed "again?". Well, her shocking straight-forward reply was........ she's pregnant.I don't know what to feel and how should I react. I was really stupefied. I want to describe what I felt after absorbing her statement as a stupid mixture of shock, disappointment, and doubt. I didn't take her words seriously, having in mind that probably it's just a part of her joke, that she was just making fun of me because she's the type who'll brush things off comically. I can't seem to find a single grain of truth on her statement so I asked the question repeatedly and I'm hoping she'll not have a reply identical to her first. On my fourth try, she hasn't change her answer...I already know she's telling the truth but it doesn't hurt inquiring her one last time, fooling myself with a specter of hope that she's telling a lie, but her reply remained constant and I started swallowing the fact. She really is pregnant! My girlfriend's having a baby, and it's no laughing matter.
I won't tell her name, 'cause I promised her that I'll keep her identity hidden. Let's just call her the-Girl-who-must-not-be-Named or you-Know-who...too lengthy, difficult to write, I'll stick to 'she'.
After picking the shattered pieces of myself due to her staggering announcement, I asked how old is the baby in her stomach and she said it's three months old. I'm about to ask her again when she interrupted saying she's afraid...and I asked why and what she's afraid of. She informed me that she's scared for she's scheduled to tie the knot with her beau on the 21st day of September...then she begged for my advice. I just said to myself "Well, you approached the wrong guy!, I'm no expert with those kind of things." The topics of our conversation were all prickly for my appetite-pregnancy, family life, parenthood, marriage and sex. But since there's an invisible string which keeps our hearts attached, even without sufficient wit, I told her I'll try my very best to solve her dilemma. I sensed she needs someone who will lift her out of the trenches and since I'm the only she had at hand for that instant, I provided her with some help [I just don't know if it helped her somehow]. She's afraid of getting married because she believed by doing so will force her to stop her studies and her work as well. She's also worried about her future life with her fiance and she's imagining some not-so-good scenarios and scads amount of what-ifs. I guess, she's just too young to face up a formidable hurdle, she's just a year older than me. So young to carry so many burdens. She also admitted she thought of abortion as a possible option, but her conscience can't take it, so she ended up keeping the child inside her tummy and foreseeing herself as a good mother to her own flesh and blood. Me, fulfilling my task, I said to her that she did the right thing keeping her baby alive but I fretted on the way she thought of abortion as a probable solution. I just told her to enjoy her pregnancy and be happy 'cause soon she'll be a mommy. She just need to look at the brighter side. Baby's a gift, a blessing. If she could still go to school and office with a huge stomach, as long as she can carry it, it's fine. And after giving birth, she could continue her studies and if her husband-to-be allows her, then it's okay. The wedding could wait but if they both love each other that much and if they're both financially ready, then it's alright too.
But still she have kept a couple of fears on her pockets, she still have questions left unanswered and worries to think of. She began listing some of her what ifs. She commenced by stating what if her marriage won't work eventually?, and what if her husband will abandon her?...I can't find the right words to suggest an answer to her, but instead I asked if she really love him, and she said yes, I did not detect a qualm on her words so I believed her, then I continue asking if the guy loves her, she gave the same reply. Without hesitation, I lay my faith on her and I'm hoping that the guy will treat her really well. So I asked, "What's the problem then?, everything sounds fine." She told me that she's just scared, that these things might happen. She's just being paranoid and too pessimistic to worry things ahead of time, but I guess, it's inevitable for a young lady's mind to run that way. She's just scared that the future she deeply desired will be out of her reach. I just said "Praning ka lang." Stop prognosticating a bad future for yourself. Just look on a brighter light, have a positive outlook in life. Don't think that your nightmares will come to life, think otherwise. It's just a test of faith and courage. God won''t give you a problem you can't handle. After we talked for about an hour, a warning flashed on my computer screen, I only have 5 more minutes left and that made our adieu limited to hasty blow. She left a promise that she'll continue her story next time.
That next time occurred last Tuesday this week, for about two weeks after our first exchange of words. As usual, I asked her if she's fine, and she said yes. Throughout our conversation, I was not able to distinguish any tinge of melancholy on the way she communicate with me. I'm now certain that she's really A ok. Gone are the days that she's depressed pondering on the possible worst-case scenarios of her coming family life. She's absolutely fine and I'm pretty sure about that-I hope!
Definitely, she's reading this one for I told her to. I said I will create a post about her condition and she conceded my request. I swear to her that I won't tell it to other people, especially to our friends, that's why I can't tell her name because I want her to be one who'll blab the truth to our friends. BUT..............Wait!!!....I just want to clarify some things. She's not my girlfriend as in..... girlfriend. She's just a girlfriend, the one who's not romantically involved with me, okay!?, she's a girl and she's a friend-so she's a girlfriend, alright?. But I'll give some clues on her identity. She's my high school friend and I consider her one of closest and I hope she considers me as one too!!! We rarely see each other, and we haven't talk about anything until recently. For me she's a type of friend who, even I can't be with physically, I'm quite assured that she treasures me like the way I treasure her as one of my true and loyal friends...or maybe I'm just stuck on a one-way street?, assuming she treats me the way I imagined it..hehehe.....So you, the-Girl-who-must-not-be-Named, I just wanna inform you, that I'm always here, if you need someone to talk to or if you just want someone to loose some bolts on your head, I'm just here, I'm just a one PM away, okay? [Sorry for being a drama king, I just found your emo-ness contagious.]
By the way, here's a poem I wrote for 364 days. Chew each and every words in it, it will help you somehow.
There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,that had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things, I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were, lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads, I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds, that I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone, And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all, Lessons learned.
-------------------------------------------------------
That's a proof how brilliant I can get sometimes. hahahaha...But I would like to tell you a secret, it's not a poem, it's a song, and of course those words did not come from my brain after squeezing it, 'cause as a matter of fact, I don't have one. It's the lyrics of the song from my favorite American Idol-Carrie Underwood's Lessons Learned. Nice lyrics, right?..Does it make any sense, does it give you any helpful thoughts or it just make you feel more guilty of what you did. hehehe....On a serious note, that's the perfect song for you and for what you're going through and I'm compelling you to listen to the song and to some of hers too-all of them are really good, they all have great lyrics.
I just want to reiterate, for every chapter of our life that ends, a new story is about to be told. For every step we make, and choice we take, sometimes, we hurt other people unintentionally, relationships were put into a test....but for all of that, definitely, we learned something, a lesson that will help us become wiser and stronger so when the next wave of problem came, we're now ready and prepared to face them all. Naks!
Alright, it's way longer than I expected it to be. So long for now, Ciao......Hope you're fine and online. Let's have a chat again.hehehe........
PS
You-Know-Who, don't leave your comments here, 'cause if you do, your identity will no longer be a secret, just PM me. okay?
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