Your boyfriend take you in a theater to watch the Half Blood Prince as his surprise for your monthsary. There, you were greeted by an anaconda-long line of people buying tickets. Though your sick of waiting, the two of you eventually settled staying at the end of the line after finding out you've been beguiled by your beau's charms. Minutes past, myriads of HP fanatics started to fall in line at your back. You realized it's been an hour later since you stepped foot on the mall, and you can see that you are just a few people away from the cashier when suddenly a stunningly sexy girl barge into you and exclaimed in a kolehiyala tone "Oh my gosh!, haba ng line huh!." So you, infuriated with the b*tch's rude gesture, angrily turn to her and furiously uttered the line "Wow!!, ayos sa Singit ha!?"....then, out of nowhere the girl started laughing and said "Ha?...how's my singit then?...Smooth and white, I suppose?"...Her statement put you into an ague of confusion, but seconds after, you realized she's partly right for your statement kinda meant that way. So very exasperated you go "I mean, how dare you to.....ahmmm....ahmmmm...make singit in our line!!!" (you can't seem to find the right words to fill in your premise, 'cause you were thinking how to translate 'sumingit sa pila' in English, and you want to show her you're eloquent, and you really are!, but just not for that very moment. It feels like her bitchiness provide you with some mental lapses.) Perceiving yourself in a blunder and hating to sound like her again, you hastily continued "You should go there [pointing to the end of the line], an uncouth person like you should have a taste of righteous conduct. So Go Girl !!!... Learn some principles of Good Manners and Morality 101 !!"..... Just when you thought you finally get one over her, she answered back "Ow...Did I cause you much trouble, making your tongue dumb for a while?...'cause you know you evinced some faulty neuron connections on your brain but luckily, you eventually made it up... I know what you mean was, how dare I to cut the line, right?..Well sorry then, 'cause I thought it was already the end of the line, for humans...I thought you are the start of the line for human-looking maggots...Oh.. dear, I'm really sorry if you look like a freaking ugly worm!!!." Hearing her lengthy churlish reply made you really livid, you up on your arms, immediately blurted out, neglecting your sagacity "You know, you're the most worst baddest person I ever met....You b*atch!!!!!!![almost yelling]"......On that instant, it's very obvious, you completely lost your brilliant mind, your enmity crowded your logical and critical thinking out of your head. The argument continues to heat up as she said "Oh..oh..come easy, relax....triple superlatives huh?....very scary indeed!, but not so witty! [a soft giggle]"....You, very irate, exclaimed "You F**** b*atch, how dare you compared me to tweety now!!!!!, do I have a huge head ha ha?".... with very much sarcasm she replied "Oh...you're getting worse honey, hold your horses down please, so you're deaf now. Well, you know I must agree, you and tweety are very much different from one another. Tweety may have a humongous head, but at least the size of her brain is way more proportional to the size of her head than yours. Unlike you, huge skull, pea-sized brain!!.".....You remained silent for a moment, you have nothing to say to her, you decided to give a heavy slap on her thin cheek, but your attempt was blocked by her right hand...very crossly she goes "My beautiful petite face does not deserve any form of close contact with your filthy, not sanitized hands!, it will just ruin my pricey make-up.", then she throw your hand down and walk out of the line with a big smile etched on her pretty face. And you, ashamed of losing the battle physically and mentally, and almost teary-eyed, started to walk out of the line too....disappointed on yourself, contemplating on how you ended up with a big L on your forehead when you know that you're right.
That could have been her moment to shine and the chance to put the other girl in such humiliation and derision, but unfortunately when she started to get angry, the bolts on her head also began to loose and she ended up as a LOSER. That was just a made up scenario, but sometimes it really happens. [What has gotten into me to picture that scene?] You can't avoid meeting someone who will just ruin your day, they're just there, lingering around waiting for victims to prey on. They will do their best to get on your nerves and piss you completely, but you better be ready when that time comes. When they're starting to get the monster out of you, you better show it to them but not the way they showed theirs to you, do it as logical and moral as possible. Don't make yourselves the villain and don't end up as a loser. Be rational, brave and witty. Stay calm and don't let your emotions rule over your reasoning......but sometimes it's really hard when you're already there in the situation.
To make that long preamble relevant to this post, that was Chico and Delamar topic last July 7 and they listed the funniest lamest insults.
Here's the 1st batch of the Rushers' entries to the topic.......
10. Billy - I was online chatting, then somebody insulted me, somebody called me "Son of a Bitch!"...then my comeback was "I'm a girl!"....Chico : "I'm not a son, I'm a daughter."
9. Red Nuts - "Your mom is so OLD.........that she is........ Older than you.".....[loud giggle].... Del : "Wow!!, so insulting!".....Chico : "Wow!,,Away na 'to....That's too much, that's bellow the belt.!"
8. RC and Cess - Bullies were fighting with RC, so he goes "At least ako mahal ako ng Mama ko,......e kayo........di kayo mahal ng......... MAMA ko."...[a burst of laughter] Del : "True enough!"
7. Louie Kablouie - "Sabagay....ikaw yung tipo ng tao na naglalagay ng ketchup sa spaghetti."
6. Specialist - "Yang ugali mo, kasing bad ng.............CRIMINAL." [C&D were both in rapture again].....Chico : "It's like a sossy kolehiyala, so lame!."...Chico : "These insults end up hurting you more."
5. Trina is my name - "Eh ano ngayon kung maganda ka, ako naman........MABAIT.", .......Del : "Oh no, you just inadvertently admitted."
4. Specialist - "Ang pangit ng buhok mo, parang.......Nest ng Bird."
3. RC and Cess - they had a classmate they were bullying, they were calling him "Bulol!"....so his comeback was "Mga budod din tayu."...Chico perfectly delivered it....hehehe...
2. RC and Cess - We were teasing a friend "Haha....walang cellphone"....then his comeback was "Haha.....ok lang, meron naman akong signal !"....Chico : "Technically yes, he may not have a phone, but he has a signal."
1. Billy - Billy was fighting with her sister so they were having this heated argument.
Billy : "You know what?, you're an idiot."
Sister :"I know you are, but what am I ?"
Billy : "An idiot!!!!!1!!"
......[loud giggle]..Chico : "It didn't work, it just came back."
Chico : "It's like you wanted to throw someone like physically, then you threw a pebble."
Del : "So lame."
Chico : "Maybe like one sand."
Del : "One grain!?"
Chico : "Maybe like, a piece of dust!"
Del : "I don't know how to save this conversation!!!."
Chico : "or maybe like, I'll throw you a molecule."
Del : "A molecule!, you threw me a molecule!"...[laughing]
==Time for the 2nd batch of Lamest Insults==...........
10. Suresh - We had this classmate, where we would pretend holding like chicharon, then we're dipping it on him, because he smells like vinegar, then one time, napuno na rin siya and he goes "Mga....mga.....scorpion!"...Del : "What!!!!!!!!!"
9. Real Earl Online - There was this student of mine who kept on cutting classes, one time I was so fed up and said "Puro ka cut, puro ka cut......mamundok ka na lang...dun ka mag-cut...........ng trees."...Del : "Oh no Sir, now they know your weak spot."
8. Gracia- I was so mad at my younger sibling that I said " Ano ka ba?..wala kang pinagka-tandaan!, when I was your age,.......I was 24 also." [all I heard was their incessant laughter]
7. Specialist - "Ang panget ng girlfriend mo, kamukha nya yung........girlfriend ko."...Del : "Oh no, don't even go there!"
6. Buknoy - "Yang budhi mo, sing-itim ng........singit ko!"....Del : "Oh no, the reason why you insult someone is because you want to get one over them, but here, you're just giving them bullets."
Del : "Maybe, it's the blackest thing he has ever seen, he could think of, not even charcoal."
5. The Game - One time, we were lined up, then there were this guys who suddenly cut our line right in front of us, so a friend goes "Ang kapal ng mukha nyo!!!, kita nyo na ngang sumingit lang kami, tapos sumingit pa kayo.".......Chico : "Righteous anger!"
4. Nick-kolat - There's this war in the office between the kulots and unats, and it got to a point where people are calling names like "Kulot Salot!", "Unat Poknat!
3. Jergwin - there were this friend who was asked "Aminin mo na kasi, bading ka!"......then the friend replied "Oo bakla ako!!, pero baklang sopranooohh!"....Del : "I'm a soprano-oooh."
2. Ay Bantot - One time, we teased a classmate "Haha....brief mo, nagbe-bacon na!!".....then his comeback was "Haha..wala akong brief, balat ko yan!".....Del : "Yuck!, why would your skin be like that?, how?"...Chico : "Crunchy Skin!"
1. Suresh - there was this classmate who was being teased
"Baboy!, Baboy!"....because he's pretty fat....
then he goes "Eh kayo naman, Kawayan!, Kawayan!".....
then the bullies go "Kawayan?, alin yung tinutusok sa?....Baboy!, Baboy!"
........Del : "Oh, there's no winning,....kawawa naman."
Here's the Entries Which Comprised the 3rd batch.............
10. Ganda Mo 'Te - A bully said "Bakla ka no?".....
.....then he replied "Hinde no, Tse!".....
Del : "Like Pare, papa-tatoo ako"
....Chico : "Ano?"
....Del : "Kilay!, Bongga!"
9. Serve - there was this online battle going on, one said to the other "Pa-English-english ka pa!, mali-mali ka naman."......then the comeback "Kaya nga nag-aaral e.".....C&D: "So lame!"
8. Screwed - One friend was being harassed because he has no money "Haha..haha...walang pera!, walang pera!".....then the friend goes "Walang pera ha?!, ...........e di libre nyo naman ako o." [giggle].....Del : "It went from a half-denial to a plea."
7. Aristotle - he was having a fight with his brother.
Aristotle : "Whatever!"
Brother : "Whatever your face!"
Aristotle : "Hello!, your face is..... more..... Whatever kaya!"
...[They were laughing really hard]....Chico : "You can see them running out of steam."
6. Loser - I found out that my boytoy was fooling around with a girl. [a boytoy not a boyfriend]....so in front of his parents.
Loser : "Ang kapal ng mukha mo, how dare you cheat on me?" [infuriated]
Boytoy: "Bakit?, girlfriend ba kita?"...[confused]
Loser : "That's not the point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [furiously ashamed]
.....Del : "That is the point!.".....Chico : "No cheating when there's no commitment."
5. Bon Ryan - I have a cousin who's challenged in the English Department, so one time he got into a big argument into a balik-bayan, he said "You!!.....you!!!!....dunkin donut."....Chico : "That's all he could come up with."
4. No name - When I was much younger, my brother used to tease me for I was flat-chested, he would always sing "De-yo....No De-de....No De-de...No De-de-yo."
then Chico and Del's funny childhood stories are told..................
Chico : "I left a note outside our room, I made a little poem........
Kuya, inumin muna ang Giselle (milk brand)
nilagay ko sa pitsel
pampalaki ng muscle
....then I went to school, when I came back, write under my note, there's this very short word which goes......... ULOL......" [laughing as if they're in a much higher state of elation]
Del : "Concise!, Straight to the point!"
Chico : "Damn!!!...after all that, I went through all the troubles rhyming!"
Del : "Well, some people will call this LOVE!"
3. Astroboy - Somebody went through the trouble of writing a song just to insult someone....."Nung isilang ka sa mundong ito, laking gulat ng magulang mo, ng ang lumabas sa nany mo ay Gorilla"
,,,Del : "Where's the art in that?"
Chico : "That's why it's lame, if there's an art in it, it wouldn't be lame."
Another childhood story..............
Chico : "I also kept a Fita can, I filled it up with ...sand."
Del : "You fool !!!"
Chico : "No, because I always thought that our lives was like a big hour glass, [Del can't contain herself]....so when my time comes, I could fill it up with sand, so I have a couple of more days to live."
Del : "I think we were more crazy as kids."
2. Jackie - One time a friend was falsely accused by a security guard of shoplifting, so when she's cleared she came back to the guard and said " Ikaw ha!, manong Guard ka ha, Mag-ingat ka!....Hinde ka na makakatuntong sa village namin sa Malabon."....
...Chico : "Oh no, it didn't work."
Del : "Yeah...Because we all know, we're all dying to go there!."
1. Pluto - In school, some bullies started shouting to my gay friends "Mga Bakla, Mga Bakla!
then one gay guy stood up and shout "Mga.....di Bakla!....mga di Bakla!"
Del : "Can we have a batch of ten?...it's so much fun, you do it so well!"
Chico : "Yeah...even the lady, I know what she's wearing'"
Del : "What!, you got scenarios. huh."
The final batch of ludicrous entries .........................
10. John Rich - during a debate in high school....
Student 1 : "Tell me, How should I ?"
Student 2 : "Because I say, you should I."
...Del : "He got confused."
9. Kilo Boy - One time we were driving, the truck in front of us stopped, so our car slammed in the back of the truck, then my girlfriend goes down and told the driver "Eh bigla ka kasing tumigil e."
...the truck driver said "E, kayo ang nasa likod, kaya kasalanan nyo."
...the girlfriend was stumped and said "Pangeeet!!!!!!!!!!!!"
8. Perfecto - They were practicing for the debut, the strict gay choreographer said "Okay, do the V formation.".....
...Perfecto said "V as in Vakla?"
..then the choreographer replied "Hindee...V as in Vavoy.!"
7. Mr. Green - One time, my sister and I were fighting, and my sister goes "Matuto ka ngang mag-flush ng toilet, kakadiri ka."....well, I really have nothing to say to her, I couldn't come up with something she can't do in the house, then I ended up saying "Pwes, ikaw naman, matuto kang maglaba ng kumot.!"
6. Egi - One time my friend mistakenly entered the lady's bathroom. By the time he realized it, his 'thingy' was already out of his hand, then the guard saw him and said "Hoy!!, pambabae 'yan.!".....then the friend replied "E, bakit, pambabae rin naman 'to e.".....Del : "May mga babae naman dito ha."
Chico: "Hello to Zack from Tarlac, whose a friend of Maymay from Tagaytay"
Del : "How's Gardo Collarado and Sonya California?"
Chico : "Or Maribeth from Massachusetts." [Del was laughing really hard]
Del : "How about Iowa?"
Chico : "Ow...that's difficult, let's go local. Hello Kitte from Cavite."
Del : [laughing]....
5. Purple Rose - Two identical twins insulting each other...the one goes "Panget!"...the other said "Mas Panget ka!"....Chico : "They look exactly the same."
4. Young Indie - One time, I was arguing with an office mate.....
Office mate : "Alam mo, nakakapagod kang kausap."
Young Indie : "E di....... magpahinga ka muna sandali."
Del : "Yeah....if you're tired, go, take a rest."
3. Momachic - I told a friend "Look, I wasn't born yesterday."......the she goes "Syempre!!....e di new-born baby ka kung yesterday ka lang pinanganak."...Chico : "She lost the figure of speech."
2. Jergwin - My dad always loves to tease my Mom.......
Dad : "Alam nyo, 'tong Mommy nyo, Ugly Duckling 'to e nung bata."..
Mom: "But look at me now.......[very proudly]......Silver Swan." [vinegar?]
1. R Vincent - I was talking to a colleague, "Hoy Bumbay, Bumbay.", because he's an Indian, so the Bumbay goes "Why do you call us Bumbay?, that's the name of a city, well so in that case, bakit Manila?".....
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